All the Feels

I have the ability to feel everything in life in a way that’s really unable to be described by simple words. Could be because I am not well educated. Could be because my memory seems to be failing me and I forget how to speak, like there’s so many thoughts in my head I don’t know how to untangle all the twisted roots and different lanes. Recently it’s been very apparent that all of my trauma, all of my triggers, all of the things I’ve gone through in life, every story, every memory, every heartbreak, every habit, and all the decisions I’ve made lately are connected in a huge way. Nothing has ever been simple for me. I feel just the smallest things in the biggest ways. There’s no just letting go, all things have a deeper meaning. I don’t just believe in what I’m told, i have to be able to take it all in and dissect every part and figure out the complete piece before it becomes part of me or my values. And they are always shifting slightly, hopefully growing in a direction that’s more solid and beautiful and pure. I feel like I am an incredible human, but I also know I have hurt many people along the way. Accepting that does not mean I wasn’t also hurt, and it does not mean I have to allow that pain or person to continue to be part of my life, it’s ok to let go. And I have started to, because I don’t only feel and hurt for my pain, I feel and hurt for theirs too. And when I carry that extra pain that isnot supposed to be mine, it takes little pieces of me that are meant for those who belong in my world. No one should get to tell you who has to be part of your circle or family or friends.